If you wear sneakers outdoors between October and March, this list is for you.

If your tires aren't the nicest thing on your car, this list is for you.

If your snow shovel wasn't invented by a NASA engineer from Minnesota, this list is for you.

If your snow scraper is still in the back of your ex's car, this list is for you.

If you find yourself relating to our failed winter warrior (our model, Sean McVay, is one hell-of-an outdoorsman) then maybe it's time to either figure out how to operate in this climate or to move.

• PHOTO BY JACOB WALSH

1. Most worthless shovel ever. Why splurge on something that will make the season that much more managable?

2. Whoever invented fingerless gloves must have seen the smartphone revolution coming ... and also must have loved having cold fingers.

3. Has anyone ever actually purchased a snow scraper? Don't they just appear every winter?

4. Buffalo Bills gear makes perfect clothing for sopping up the tears from yet another rebuilding year.

5. Who doesn't love wearing soaking wet jeans all day. Aren't snowpants considered business casual in Rochester?

6. As Ron Swanson famously said, "There is no such thing as bad weather, only inadequate clothing and methods of transportation."

7. ProTip: Hide full cans of beer in your driveway before a big snowstorm and then go on a scavenger hunt.

8. Everybody has a few thousand Wegmans bags floating around their place. Stick them in your shoes to keep your boots wet and uncomfortable!

9. Last year's snow jacket, which hasn't been worn since March (if you're lucky), and is most likely stuffed full of old chapsticks and used tissues. Yum.

10. Did you know ice melt doesn't work below 10 degrees? Why do they bother selling it here?