"RuPaul's Drag Race" Season 7, Episode 5: The DESPY Awards


After last week's shocker of an episode I didn't know what to expect for this week. Apparently most of the ladies felt the same way and expressed their shock at seeing Trixie Mattel sent packing while barely awake Pearl got to stay. Judging by the tears on the runway, one would think that Pearl was grateful for the opportunity to stay and show the judges what she can do -- but the second she gets backstage she says she's "over the judges" and pouts. I'm angry and it's only two minutes into the episode. I had to press pause and go make myself a drink.

Ru announced the mini challenge for the week: the queens will be making paper versions of classic celebrity red carpet looks. They were paired off based on where they were standing and assigned a celebrity.

Ginger Minj and Kandy Ho: Lil' Kim (purple pasties).

JaidynnDiore Fierce and Kennedy Davenport: Lady Gaga (I actually thought they could have picked something more over-the-top).

Pearl and Max: Cher (black and spiky Bob Mackie).

Mrs. Kasha Davis and Katya: Bjork (swan dress).

Violet Chachki and Miss Fame: Jennifer Lopez (*That* dress that was basically a robe)

This mini challenge was fun to watch and I thought everyone did well. Seeing Ginger Minj in a skin tight, purple, paper suit with a shell pasty made my life. The obvious winner for the challenge was Katya -- her impression of Bjork consisted of making nonsensical noises and looking around with child-like wonder (which, to be honest, is a pretty spot on Bjork impression) and it totally worked. The added bonus was Mrs. Kasha Davis as the late, great Joan Rivers. Katya and Kasha took home the win and were given the honor to host the first annual DESPY Awards, #SnatchingTrophies.

The queens would be working in their current pairs as both the presenters and the nominees, and were tasked with coming up with funny banter as well as acceptance speeches if should they win. Presenting for "Sexy Sexy Drag Queen," Kennedy and Jaidynn; "Most Busted Queen," Pearl and Max; "Shadiest Queen," Ginger and Kandy Ho; and "Meatiest Tuck," Violet and Miss Fame. Kathy Griffin returned to the show to as the comedy coach.

The queens broke into their teams to start brainstorming -- and this is where things got UNCOMFORTABLE. Ru came in to check on everyone's progress and when Ru got to Pearl and Max, it went wrong. It went very, very wrong.

First, Ru told Pearl that she did not have a big personality. Pearl said that she thinks she has a great personality because OF COURSE SHE DOES. So Ru just stared at her ... for so long. I could actually feel my body sinking into the couch. Pearl asked Ru if she has something on her face ... SHUT UP, PEARL! Poor Max just sat; I just wanted to give her a hug. Ru just wants Pearl to do well and walks away. Pearl says she's over this bullshit and walks out of the workroom.

Did someone lock the door behind her? Throw the deadbolt! No? *Sigh*

It was time for the ladies to rehearse with Kathy Griffin and she's not impressed with any of them. Kennedy and Jaidynn are starting every sentence with "Girl"; Miss Fame and Violet are being too blue but they don't know what that means; and Max and Pearl are throwing too much shade. It's back to the drawing board for everyone.

At this point, all the ladies have to vote for which queens will actually win a DESPY Awards. We're also given a little backstory on Pearl and her abandonment issues, which is actually sad and might be why she is so guarded. And we're also given chicken grooming tips by Miss Fame -- so there's that.

The judges for The DESPY Awards were Michelle Visage, Ross Matthews, and Isaac Mizrahi. The DESPYs actually go over pretty well. Mrs. Kasha Davis fumbled at the start, but she and Katya looked great and called out Pearl for being the "drag equivalent of a Valium taking a Xanex in a K-hole." TRUTH. Actually, all the presenters did pretty well. I thought Jaidynn and Kennedy were hysterical. Below are the winners:

Sexy Sexy Drag Queen: Miss Fame

Most Busted Drag Queen: Jaidynn Dior Fierce

Shadiest Queen: Violet Chachki (duh) "You don't like me! You really don't like me!"

Meatiest Tuck: Katya

Ru announced that Pearl and Max are the winners of the challenge, and Pearl thanked Ru for being so hard on her. She kind of stepped it up this week but I still can't get behind her. Kennedy and Jaidynn are safe, but the judges felt that Kandy Ho needs to up her game, especially when she's paired with a personality like Ginger Minj.

At this point, I am amazed that Kandy Ho is still here -- she has contributed nothing to this competition and has managed to skate by each week while being a wallflower.  Isaac thought that Kasha needed to take it completely over the top and he loved Violet. Miss Fame's performance was low energy -- but in her defense, she "doesn't know how to turn off her thinker." *Cricket noises*

Ginger was safe, Miss Fame was safe, Katya was safe, Violet was safe. Wait a minute -- is Kasha going to be up for elimination? No!

Kasha and Kandy Ho were both up for elimination and will be lip syncing to Teena Marie's "Lovergirl." This is sad. This is really, really sad. To see someone like Pearl -- who looks like she barely cares that she wakes up in the morning, let alone be a viable competitor on this show -- be allowed to stay each week and someone like Kasha, who is hungry for this and has so much more to show the judges up for elimination? It's BS. I don't like it.

Kandy Ho stays, Kasha sashays away -- and I want to turn the TV off, forever. 

Next Monday: Ru's Story